Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Wexley welcomes, Grandpa Wexley!

It's not just another October 23rd. Well, technically, it is just another October 23rd. But for the people near and dear to Wexley, we had a historic visitor today. Father Time has graduated one of our co-founders into his Inner Ring of Fire. Yes, Ian Cohen is now a dust-farter. In an industry where the average employee is about the same age as a minor league baseball player, Ian has stood the tests of time. It's only appropriate we look back over his long list of accomplishments in a way to set goals for not only our employees, but employees all over the world. And, perhaps, a few somewhat ambitious middle school students. Ian blazed into this industry during the mid-seventies with avant-garde garage sale signage in semi-rural Raleigh, North Carolina. Through college, his copywriting skills were put to the test in early, targeted guerrilla marketing projects where he coined the phrase "free beere" (sic), art directed the work himself and placed it strategically around the all-women's dorms at UNC-Greensboro. A slight miscommunication in directions caused lukewarm response, but those who found the rented house assumed it was Ian's wacky way of creating a puzzle, and felt honored and proud to have figured out the true destination. Taking on his first job in Seattle, Ian created his most famous work to date. The notorious moving announcement/self promo, "What does a writer look for when he moves to a new city?/A new pad!" garnered international recognition and the new address was distributed to thousands of direct mail houses across the United States, Canada and parts of France. After honing skills, or "skillz," as it were, at a handful of Seattle and Portland agencies, Ian and two friends launched Wexley School for Girls, a strategic, conceptual think tank. One friend realized in just a few months we were deflecting business with the deftness of Luke Skywalker's light saber based on our name alone, and left the company. For the rest of us, he's made family reunions, first dates, holiday parties and new business meetings awkward, even apologetic conversations ever since. Ian, welcome to the silver side of life. We're told there are still linings over there. Please write if you can recall how to string a few words together. Or call, if you can find a phone that still uses rotary dial.

Happy Birthday, bud.

Friday, September 21, 2007

Wexley and Nau. Now.

If you want to get up close and personal with the Wex, you have your chance today. We've taken a break from working out and flexing in the mirror to help create some awareness for our parters Nau. You can find us out and about Westlake Center in downtown Seattle today rocking the Catwalk Crosswalk with our Nau models.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Stop it!

We just have to say something that may be tough for some people to understand. Stop it, clients! Yeah, we said it. Stop it. Stop trying to have sex with us every time we have a meeting. Stop gazing across the conference table and undressing us with those sexy, intelligent eyes. Do you even know how hard it is to consistently do earth-shattering plans and strategies and creative , only to look up at you and see you ready to pounce like a rabid tiger in heat ? It is unnerving. Look, we know, we get it. We're hot. We are the most attractive agency you've ever worked with. We are smart and witty and sometimes speak with sexy accents even though none of us are from a foreign country, but please. We ask you now nicely. Stop it. Fantasize if you must. We'll send you some 8 x 10 glossies of the agency presenting some creative boards if you want. But stop it in person. If you want our best, we're gonna need your best Aretha Franklin. RESPECT. Ok. Thanks.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Countdown to New Wexley

Prepare to hate your jobs even more than you do now. We have a new space and we think it's kind of ok. Update on that: It actually kicks complete agency ass. Check back for new photos over the next week with the grand unveiling when we move in.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Team Wex

Great breaking news on the Wexley sports front. We won the Seattle City League co-rec B Division Championship! Being the best is totally the best.
We took our perfect 9-0 record into the playoffs after giving up only six runs all season in a league of panty weight bully magnets who probably never made it past first base in life, let alone the Tuesday Night League. “Should be playing in A,” or at least that’s what our umpire, heretofore known as ‘Creepy Old Guy Who Called Balls And Strikes Based Only On The Batter’s Attractiveness’ , said at our victory cookout on Friday.
It would have been five runs, too, if it wasn’t for ‘The World’s Most Ill-conceived Pick Off Attempt At Second Base’. A.) there are no lead-offs anyway, stupid Jared, and B.) that throw sailed over Jamie’s head and so far into centerfield, the runner on third could have scored after a successful double leg amputation. Performed by a Civil War-era field surgeon. Using a saw blade with teeth as big and sharp as thimbles.
We won our first playoff game on devastating good looks alone. We popped off our shirts to show what four sets of three rep 65-pound lat pull-downs and Monday-Wednesday-Friday’s 90 minutes on the elliptical and can do. Immediately, our cross town rivals peed themselves with glee at our nakedness and then bagged their own inbred heads. We rapped out the mercy rule in two innings.
Game two. Beating this team 10-1 was a lot like making balloon animals for a toddler and then skewering him with a toothbrush prison shiv. Up 8-0 after one, they loaded the bases each of the next five consecutive innings as we used an array of overhand fastballs plunked between the shoulder blades, Bad News Bears pop fly reenactments and four-pitch walks where we pretended the giant graffiti genitalia spray-painted on the backstop was the strike zone. And each inning, those tomato-faced piglets turned their $75.00 trucker hats inside out and squealed “rally cap!”, only to see the next three batters effortlessly mowed down without Bryan even taking his hands out of his pants at second base. They did score two runs on ‘The Stupidest Pitch Of All Time’ from Cal, who thought, with a man on first, he could prove the last batter on their team was a pre op tranny . Cal did out he/she using a watermelon change up. But in doing so, he/she took it so deep, about 400’ and two fences later the ball was still going up.
The Championship Game. This one might have been closer if our pre-game ritual was to rip our opponent’s heads off and suck their brains out through their eye sockets, then mount their lifeless corpses on shower curtain rods at the various field positions and before we played nine innings. 6-0 might look close, but in actuality we scored all six runs by the second and then took turns freebasing from the chalk line marker while rotating in only three field players. The opposition disgracefully forfeited in a pouty pants outburst when the umpire allowed our fielders participate in a King of The Mountain wrestling melee on the pitcher’s mound for the right to strike out their next batter.
We would like to be good sports and thank not only the second place team, but everyone who bowed down at our alter of superiority throughout the season. You made our Tuesday nights just a little more fun.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Wexley Math

Bonnie Tyler's "Total Eclipse of the Heart" video VS. Lissette's "Eclipse Total del Amore." Who wins? We ran elements from each video through Wexley's patented New NEW Super Scientific Ninja Math and found that Bonnie Tyler wins hands down due to her inclusion of leather daddies with the power of a wind machine.

That's right... Leather daddies with the power of a wind machine beat out the sum of glitter dresses, emotional face cupping, ninjas, possessed choir boys, Lissette and even Bonnie Tyler herself.

We're not kidding - it's science. Click on the picture above to check out the equation in detail. We showed our work.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Kick "A" Blog

Although we don’t do a whole lot of traditional advertising, we often get requests from ad students to take a look at portfolios of fake ads. These portfolios cost upwards of $35,000 in tuition to create. I know, right? Some of us went to great ad schools like The Creative Circus , so we feel the student’s pain . It can be mind-numbing to spend two years making up a bunch of fake ads about real companies. However, it can be equally mind-numbing to spend quality time to give quality feedback on student work. It’s also tough being a student because we may think something is totally pirate parrot killer (which is really good), and some lifeless hack who spends his business week making Olive Garden ads (which we feel are assaults on society) thinks the student’s work is awful. So these poor kids get mixed direction, and end up doing nothing because they don’t embrace feedback from anyone.

To counter this, we have a simple ask of students. One of our creative directors, Cal McAllister , is a total panty-weight and gets beat up by his nieces and nephews each Christmas. When he returns from Houston, he fantasizes about being a karate expert. Karate is not only Bad A, but totally sexy. So if a student sends him a portfolio, he requests the student take the time to pencil a drawing of him using sexy karate to kick someone’s, or something’s, ass. They should spend about 20 minutes on it, because that’s how long he spends with a portfolio. When they send in the drawing, he reviews their work.

We have around 50 drawings now. Here are the Top Six. Because no one does a Top Six.