So now you know. The secret is out. No, not that secret. The secret behind the real Wexley. The business side of Wexley. We know, we put on this "wacky" front to all of you, but that's the crazy-like-a-fox thing. And now Ad Age finally told the world how crazy smart we are. Check it out here . Also, we know a lot more things that the article didn't tell you, like: Who killed JFK , How to stop male pattern baldness , where drug runners from Columbia hide their drugs now , why women who spend time together generally get on the same menstrual cycle, how weather balloons are really spy cameras, that Trix are not only for kids , that every major channel is really bummed they didn't come up with American Idol and that if you write "Top ten ways to improve blog traffic" or "How to create a viral video" or "Make the web work for you" you will increase traffic to your blog site. We know all of that. Why, because besides being insanely handsome and hot and ridiculously, stupid famous (check it) . we are also pretty humble and genius and incredibly tan and buff. See you at the Oscars.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Friday, May 25, 2007
OMG. The BEST GUY IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD dropped by Wexley today. He's got an ice cream truck and he travels around the country (and eventually the world) and GIVES AWAY FREE ICE CREAM!
And he came to see us! He totally knew about us and stopped by because he thinks we're great!! And we got free ice cream and pictures, and smiles - lots of smiles! This is the best day EVER! Ice cream man - we think you're great too!!! Some of us smiled SO much that we got little bitty cracks in our lips and they bled a little bit and got some red stuff on our happy creamy treats. But, don't worry the cold from the ice cream kept the bleeding under control and everything was cool. Cuz, we're totally smooth. Seriously, the ice cream man didn't even notice... thank goodness!
Because... btw... well, we kind of maybe have a little crush on the ice cream man. I mean, seriously - he GIVES AWAY FREE ICE CREAM JUST TO MAKE PEOPLE HAPPY!! HELLOOO!!!??!?!?!? Oh, and plus... he has REALLY nice hair, BIG curly locks. We like big curly locks. We like them very much, thank you! We kind of wanna run our agency hands through his curly locks and get them all tangled up and stuck so we just have to stare into his big, beautiful good samaritan eyes and then maybe when we're "trying" to get our hands unstuck our face gets just a little too close to his face and maybe our lips accidentally rub up against his sweet, sweet, ice creamy lips... and... oh, golly... excuse us for a minute...
We love you ice cream man.
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Let's face it, Nicaragua needs help. Things are crazy over there. There have been snowstorms, windstorms, giant caterpillars the size of cantaloupes infesting the corn, large rocks falling, mudslides, bees and a lot of other things taking its toll on this once proud country. And to top it off, they are still recoiling from the hit they took when Argentina drew economic boosts from the ever popular "Don't Cry For Me Argentina!" So it was time for Wexley to mobilize and help the people of Nicaragua. Stop talking and start walking we said. Walking for Nicaragua. So we set this in motion and will be premiering the new musical "Nicaragua' this summer. It will be awesome. Please listen to the trailer. It will make you stop crying for Argentina and start feeling something for Nicaragua.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Seriously, we almost have to hide these days. We had to go back and rework our numbers so it looked like no one really was on this blog site. Why? Because all of the top bloggers like Daily Kos , Little Green Footballs , Huffington Post , Michelle Malkin , InstaPundit , Boing Boing , Post Secret , Power Line , TMZ and Technorati were freaking out about us. There was some talk about them ganging up and taking us out. So we have cleverly put up this site, that has no traffic, to act as a buffer so these supposed "blog wizards" would go away. But we are tired of hiding. We want to fight. We want to stand bold and be the blog Gods that we are. We aren't here to get millions of clicks. We're here because we want to show off and dick around because the world needs that. So watch out Daily Kos , back off Michelle Malkin , see ya in cyber hell Boing Boing , bring it Huffington Post , power's out Power Line , because we aren't going to go away anymore. We're here to stay and here forever. Until we perfect Blog 4 and when we release that, forget about it!
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
We’re not just naughty we’re cosmonauty. Which is spelled that way for a reason. Yeah, so we did this little thing as a very small part of a big thing for Microsoft Windows Vista launch promotion and holy crap has it taken off. We thought it might. Grouper has it as 3 million views. And we broke our record on Youtube by hitting 320,000 views in one week.
Our accounts payable and receivable dude Daniel just told us that we are basically a cash business. So there are going to be some changes around here, starting right now.
First, we only accept cash. Not checks. Not bank transfers, food stamps, postage stamps, Happy Meal dollars, Monopoly dollars, farm animals or beads. Sorry, but we’re growing up and this is what we need to do. He also said we’re going to need to start getting half up front, for safety. No exceptions. So fire up the Brinks truck, or drag that wheelbarrow out of the shed. Let’s see the salad.
We’re hoping when you bring the cash, it’s in one of those stainless steel suitcases and is handcuffed to your wrist. We know that puts you in danger, and someone might machete your hand off and steal that shiny suitcase full of scratch, but if you conceal a Smith & Wesson double-action .45 ACP semi-automatic on your person, you should be able to defend yourself. You better also wear mirrored sunglasses and an ear piece. But no funny stuff. Don’t stroll in here, all, “I’ve got your money Wexley, it’s all right here,” and then, in the drama of the ‘click’, ‘click’ with those sweet latches (let’s assume you don’t stall by ‘forgetting the combination,’ either) you open it up and it’s full of fake Benjamins. Or like a couple hundred bucks on each side, rubber-banded around a deck of playing cards or something. Well, ha ha and LOL, the joke is on you and your piss ant handgun. We’ll pinch off a couple rounds of our triple-mounted .303 caliber Maxim in your general direction. That fancy suit is going to look like cheesecloth. Maybe you forgot one of us is from the Motor City and we don’t take too kindly to the double-cross. A little Detroit Justice coming your way.
OK, now if you don’t have one of those stainless steel suitcases, you can use burlap sacks. But they have to have a big green dollar sign painted on there. Because we don’t need all that cash spilling out when we’re scrambling for sack race bags. We sack race in this bitch all the time, and don’t need people in a sack race frenzy just dumping hundreds of thousands of dollars on the floor.
Lastly, if we don’t round up exactly to the nearest dollar (which is perfectly acceptable in our business practices, by the way), don’t think you can prance in here with a bunch of change, pre-rolled. Nice try, slick. One of our grandparents used to be a bank teller and they said people would always put, you know, 47, maybe 48 pennies in a roll. Yeah, we did that, too. Forget it. And don’t put like a dime on the end of each roll and then stuff the rest of it with like a wine cork or nickel plugs. WE CHECK THE MIDDLE OF THE ROLL.
Don’t mess with us.
OK. We good?
Friday, May 11, 2007
Raise your hand if you've got one. Good. You see the point of this entry is to make you feel good about yourself. Look, a lot of people don't have as much going for them as we do. So it's natural to get down on yourselves. We don't really know that, because why would we ever get down on ourselves when everything is kind of awesome with us all the time? But normal people have problems. We get it. We watch TV, we read magazines and other blogs and old Sally Jessy Rapheal shows so we get that there are a lot of unhappy people out there. You know: gaining too much weight, not having enough crazy sex, drinking too much, fondling themselves in public, eating too many carrots at one time and experiencing ridiculous stomach stuff, having their period, limping from a sore foot, getting hit by cars and living, getting caught farting at the gym on the treadmill, getting a lesion of some sort or
contracting Herpes or having their faces sliced off by space debris that has unexpectedly fallen from the sky or had one eye gouged out by the claws of a weird pissed off sparrow or robin...we totally get it. Life can be cruel. Life can suck. For some people. But if you are one of those people who at this moment in time are still unhappy, seriously, don't bring us down. Get
your crap out of here. We are pretty psyched right now.
Posted by Wexley at 5:10 PM
Friday, May 4, 2007
We’ve just heard some news that rocked our world. IHOP is now providing “togo” meals. This must be stopped. To think that you would order yourpancakes, drive up, and simply drive away is simply appalling. You’re missing the point people! Now Wexley is all for drive through wedding ceremonies, drive though liquor stores and drive through gun shops, but this? This is too much. This is the INTERNATIONAL house of pancakes. To miss out on the INTERNATIONAL ambiance would leave you feeling half full… but mostly half empty. To miss out on the fake flower arrangements, faded peach musty carnations, laying against one another, petal to petal, to miss out on the children’s screams, and the obese mother in the stained tube top yelling “YOU ORDERED IT, YOU EAT IT!” as she gnaws on her side of bacon she ordered in addition to the four slices she already ate with her meal. To miss out on the servers, their misery, their pain, the hate in their eyes when you ask for just “one more” cup… just “top it off.” That, dear friends, is what IHOP is all about. In lieu of this stunning news we have started a movement, People Against IHOP take out orders, or PAIHOPTOO for short. Please, join us. It’s for the children.
Posted by Wexley at 12:52 PM