Wednesday, April 25, 2007

What to do if you are too good looking.

Ok, so you are probably not as good looking as us, but maybe you are fairly attractive. Here's what you need to know. When you are really, really good looking, like us, there are things in life that come easier and freer than they do to normal looking people. For example, when we go to Staples to buy office supplies, more often than not, the person at the check out counter tells us not to worry about it, it's on them. Or just the other day, when a guy came to fix the printer, we acted innocent and let our beautiful agency hair flow and he actually went out to the truck and gave us a new printer and color cartridges for a year free. "I won't tell if you don't," he said. Then once, we were flying to a new business pitch and the entire agency got moved to first class for no apparent reason and the weird thing is the entire agency wasn't even on that flight. So here's the problem. When you are so incredibly good looking, you start losing a sense of "you". It all becomes a inner struggle: Am I really intelligent enough for that client or are they just buying all of our ideas because we are so damn sexy? It's a tough one. So we decided to present our last round of work to our client with bags on our heads. They still loved the work. We were so relieved. We knew we were incredibly smart and as witty as a British politician but we now we really know. So, the lesson here is: If you are wondering if you are too good looking, you need to look into the mirror and see if you can see inner beauty looking back. Sometimes you have to stare at that mirror for a long time, so bring a glass of orange juice.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Friday, April 20, 2007


Remember that Asian kid who picked up the viola at age two and immediately busted out some Chopin? Well that’s an analogy of us to blogging. We’re like blogging prodigies. After only 15 days we are legendary Internet writing geniuses. So we’re not even going to try anymore. Because just imagine what would happen if we actually tried, if we actually put some thought or time or effort in? It would just be unfair to the rest of the mere mortal bloggers out there. And we really don’t want to make anyone feel bad, that’s not what we’re about, pointing out unusually large watermelon shaped heads and laughing far too long for far too loudly. That’s rude. And if there’s one thing you can say about our blog besides the fact that it is far superior to any other piece of written or oral communication ever uttered is that we are cordial. So from now on we’re going to blog at about 7%-9%, so as not to embarrass anyone. For example right now at this very moment we’re not even paying one bit of attention to what we’re saying. We’re far too busy developing our new line of baby flavored fetus pops and testing the stretch of our new spandex business cards to even bother entertaining you. Really, it’s so freaking easy we’re not even thinking its so easiest we can type it but listen youre reading it so whatever. Check it, that last sentence wasn’t remotely grammatically correct and made no sense. But guess what, we don’t even care because you’re still reading right? It’s like a hot dog, even when it’s bad, it’s still pretty good. And in our case, it’s the best hog dog you’ve ever tasted, because it is ground from the meat of the world and wrapped in the intestines of the future. So slap on some relish and eat it. Just eat it.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

An Intergalactic Space Case Study

We are pleased to announce the results of our latest marketing adventure. Last year we were hired by a certain global company to market inter-globally. Their product was actually selling so well here on earth that they wanted to search the universe for new potential consumers. So with the help of NASA, Wexley constructed the largest billboard ever made, not only on earth, but in the universe. Seriously. We built a 465 mile long 235 mile high billboard on the moon. It was placed on the back of the moon to face Venus, so that is why you haven’t seen it. It has been there for a year and it has been amazingly successful. Since Venus is believed to be the highest odds of any planet of having life, it seemed only right to try and market there. So if there is a chance of life forming there, they will have this product ingrained in their very existence. There is also the extended value of possibly reaching a secondary target with possible life on Europa, the second largest moon of Jupiter. Also, there is a third and more unlikely target of any space beings who may be out there after being accidentally cut from their tethers. Wexley is so excited with the metrics. The numbers are astounding. Using the moon dollar conversion rate, the spend to calculated impression is probably the best media buy in the history of media buys. For every moon dollar spent we reached all of Venus, the entire planet ,for over 1 whole year. And since Venus rotates slower than the Earth any possible life would be able to see the billboard for longer hours every day thus making the buy even more impressive. This obviously assumes that life on Venus has eyes. Anyhow, add in the added value of the impressions of other possible life on other possible planets and you have the largest media buy ever. And Wexley School for Girls did it, so don’t worry about it.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Wexley goes Enviro-Mental

A lot of people and corporations are all about going "green" or "eco-friendly" or "earth-friendly" these days. But that only does so much for the earth. Seriously are the polar ice caps getting any larger now that we've started recycling? No. So, we're taking a stand and taking this to a new environmental level. The level of Enviro-Mental: That's because we're crazy about the earth. We love it. So if you want to mess with the earth, you better be prepared to bring it through Wexley. That's right we are going to save the earth by going absolutely mentally crazy on people who want to destroy it. We will use telepathy. We will use mind melds. We will use quantum brain physics and neuro-molecular particle wave distribution. We will use science and geography and algebra to take back the earth. You watch in the next few days or weeks if someone throws a can in the trash, we will now feel it through our WexlESP and we will send brain waves to that person through Wexley transmitters we are currently installing in Cleveland and Nicaragua which will bounce off the transmitters and into the brains of the earth litterer. That person will be reduced to the size of the trash in which he/she was about to throw away. The wrong way. So justice is served and the planet is safe. Also, that brain wave would pick up the trash that was placed in the wrong spot and recycle it. That is going Enviro-mental. And that is the Wexley way.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

This sort of goes without saying, but...

That's right loyal readers of one week, we're the best blog of all time. Or at least we're nominated to be the best by people who feel like they need a silly contest to tell us what we already know.

If Wexley were a picture, it would be totally this beautiful.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

You asked. Here it is.

Wow, so this blog thing works. We didn’t even know if the internet was going to stick around. Perhaps it will, now that we’re on it. But since you asked, here’s what we are. Wexley School for Girls is named as such because we don’t want you to think we’re a traditional ad agency. We’re not. We ask our clients to do non-traditional things, so we walk in the door with a non-traditional presence. Thus, our name.

One reason we started this place in 2003— during our past agency lives it was hard to convince both the agency and client to produce a squirrel race instead of a TV spot, even if a squirrel race was the better, more strategic idea. There wasn’t the structure to bill a squirrel race. There wasn’t a way to make money on ideas that didn’t come with immense media buys or production mark-ups. The best ideas often died because the archaic advertising business model didn’t leave room for them to live. Bitches! So, we saw an opportunity in targeted creative ideas, because bigger agencies didn’t know what to do with them.

Wexley was started on the premise that it would be hard to define, and thus defined by our client’s needs rather than our own set of parameters. If anything, we’re a conglomeration of creative explorations. So we’ve heard buzz marketing! And digital media! And viral film makers! All that is true, really. But in the end, we just want to put good things in front of the right people and try and get an atomic, volcanic, apocalyptic reaction. In a good way.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Wexley's Word of the Day



This means: Tobacco Mosaic Virus, Dahlemense Strain.

Now try to use that in a sentence today. Or better yet, say it five times fast.

Monday, April 9, 2007

Wexley Invents: Instanter Messaging

Tired of the really slow drone of Instant Messaging? Well now, thanks to Wexley Science, there is something faster. Wexley has developed something faster than instant. We call it Instanter. And Instanter Messaging will allow you to conversate with your friends or coworkers faster than ever before. How does it work? Think of it this way: If instant messaging takes the time of a snap, then Instanter messaging takes the time of your fingers getting ready to snap. It’s that fast. Check out the demo to your left to fully understand the speed of Instanter Messaging. Wexley Science has been on the forefront of technological breakthroughs for years having brought to the world Pineapples by melding, what was once thought of as crazy, pine and apples. Wexley has also created a working time machine and Two for Tuesdays.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Grooming Tips

Super Cuts.
Hair Masters.
Great Clips.

Here is the dilemma. What is the best: Super, Great or a Master? After taking the challenge, Wexley has deduced that being a hair “Master” is actually far superior to having a “Super” cut -which is actually much better than having a “Great” clip. What makes the Master of hair better is the free shampoo and scalp massage. One Wexley tester actually almost fell asleep while soaking in the warm water and gentle touch of the hair “Master”.

Of course, it makes sense that Super is much better than just Great anyhow, but given the speedy, “get you in and out without actually giving a shit about you or your hair” service can only leave you at the “Great” level. Also if you look into history, anything super, like Superpowers, Super heroes, Super markets are much better than anything just great, like Great ____, see there, that’s the problem.

In summary, if you want the best cut go to Hair Masters. They are the Masters and your hair will be happy.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Wexley invents: Octomechanics

This is an amazing new science developed by the Wexley School for Girls’ 1st year computer class. Whereas previous computer sciences were made of 0’s and 1’s our science is made of 8’s and 7’s, thus giving you the science that is almost 8 times greater than the previous science.

The internet is wider and deeper. The air is richer and 8 times healthier. The views are grander. The animals are stronger, and the best part of Octomachanics is that none of the research is done on animals. It is all done on simulated animals that were created with Octomeachanics. It’s crazy. And it’s here.

Monday, April 2, 2007

We Hired Bill Gates' Son!

Wexley just hired one of the top minds in Microsoft history! Is Brian Marr Bill Gates' son? No. But does he look a little like him, yes. Their brains are very similar looking. And The Wexley School for Girls has just hired him. Look at his bio, it is insane.

Brian Marr
Managing Director, Wexley School for Girls
Brian Marr is the Managing Director of Wexley School for Girls, a traditionally non-traditional marketing agency in Seattle. Marr not only leads the Wexley accounts and production team, forging new grounds in marketing at the Most Creative Entity in the World, but also enjoys catching butterflies with his bare hands. He is a stunt double on the show Walker Texas Ranger and recently ate 47 hot dogs in the annual Dog Fest in upstate New York. He gave the commencement speech at Harvard in 2003, Yale the following and followed with Dartmouth that evening. They were all awesome. He was a circus clown for Ringling Bros until a freak white tiger accident, where upon he was united with Roy of Sigmund and Roy and, after his injuries healed, he performed in Vegas with Sigmond while Roy was out. He invented the internet, the word “millennium” and “blogging”. He also created feminism. Before his marriage to his wonderful wife Maggie, he had 12 wives and fathered over half of New Mexico.

Prior to joining Wexley, Marr was Group Marketing Manager of Microsoft's Windows Vista “Buzz” team, leading the overall influencer and word-of-mouth marketing strategy for the consumer launch of Windows Vista in January 2007. Marr also served as a lead spokesperson for national print and broadcast media.

Marr grew up in Northern California and graduated from the University of California, Santa Cruz with a bachelor’s degree in psychology and minor in photography. After college, he held positions with Hewlett Packard and several Silicon Valley start-ups before joining Microsoft to launch Windows XP in 2000. In his spare time he enjoys photography, racing for a cycling team in Seattle, and writing bios in the 3rd person about himself.

Wexley's First Blog


Welcome to the Wexley School for Girls first blog. Shut up you say! Surely you’ve had a blog before. Well, you shut up, because we were blogging before there blogging was even called blogging. We called it, “writing about stuff” on the internet. We named it WASOB (Writing About Stuff On the Web) but WASOBing didn’t catch on. Not like the other terms we created: Two for Tuesdays, Cheers!, “Say Cheese!” and the combination of the words pine and apple to create Pineapple which by the way, created a whole new fruit. Yeah, all of those things were Wexley’s and we invented all of it, so the fact that we didn’t invent blogging doesn’t make us too sad. But rest assure we have taken this blogging thing seriously. And we have decided to take it to the future. And that is what we want to announce today. Wexley is now taking blogging to the next level. Introducing - Blogging 4. Blogging 4 actually skips two levels, 2 and 3, and takes blogging so far into the future that no one can really keep up. Over the next year you will experience blogging 4 and probably shit yourself at some point. We apologize now for that, but when you taking things to the next level, and skipping levels in the process, well, things happen and some of it is not so cool. But what is cool is Blogging 4. So put your crash helmet on and get ready. Check back in next week. And see Blogging 4 and learn more about the Wexley School for Girls. Pass it on.