Monday, June 18, 2007

Damn it. We are #2.

It's tough for us to admit this, but we've realized we aren't the best in the world. Sure we are still one of the best in the world, but we have been humbled. Two words: Face Off. Have you seen it lately? Drop what you are doing. Drop your lunch, your kid, your cable knit sweater on the floor and run over to Blockbuster and flippin' rent it. If you have seen it, watch it again. We forgot what a freaking masterpiece this is, people. And there are so many things right with this movie we could write two blogs about this, but let's see where we net out in one. Ok, so Face Off - is it better than Star Wars? Much. Is it better than Blue Lagoon? Please. Is it funnier than Fried Green Tomatoes? You decide. This is an epic that has been hidden in the Drama/Action section of your local video store for too long, but no longer. We are here to tell you that this movie has it all. We're talking three thumbs up! We usually talk about how great we are, and rightfully so, but even Wexley has never performed a successful face transplant. But that's nothing. There are so many defining moments, like when Nicolas Cage is in a coma, and his face has already been transplanted onto John Travolta's face, and though he is the world's number one bad guy, he is totally unguarded and they accidentally left John Travolta's face in a jar behind a sheet in the same room. So of course Cage comes out of his coma, which by the way is awesome because he has no face but can still hang out and smoke cigarettes and smile and laugh like a villain. It's like if Osama Bin Laden was captured and left unguarded at County General. We love the logic, "Hey, he's in a coma and doesn't have a face, so what's he gonna do?" Well, stupid bitches, he's gonna wake up, put on that face they left in the jar beside his bed and continue to crap terror all over the world. The best thing about the movie though is the triple pun slam. THE T.P.S. Basically, you have the name Face Off. And then you have the fact that their faces are actually ripped off. Then you have the fact that they actually face off in several scenes of the movie. It is a pure gem. There are so many levels. There are amazing lines. Cage and Travolta make you believe they are each other with just the wrong faces. It is insane. And it is seriously way better than anything Wexley could ever do. However, we are working on it: Behold Face Off II, where Cage comes back from the dead, rips his face off, finds Travolta, rips his face off and they meet up a dingy smoke-filled pool hall and fight, faceless, then they weirdly make up, then make out and then lead a somewhat normal life as gay, faceless pool hustlers. So, actually maybe we are better than them. We knew it. Wexley is still number one. Sorry for the scare.

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